The Fool.

Are u afraid of loneliness? Do u feel that there are something wrong with u and the terrible thing is that it is definitely not your looks?

Does that mean you have a terrible character?? or is there some secret in making friends?

I only have questions and no answers.

Today is a saturday. I just came back from work. Again i am alone. reading political blogs and watching spider lilies on youtube.

How long can we bury or try to ignore or remain ignorant of truths.

Will I ever know the answer? should i? or should i not?

The Fool.

"Not well done is that deed which one, having performed, has to repent; whose consequence one has to face with tears and lamentation." ~ The Buddha Shayamuni.

From Me To Myself

Hi.

Nice to meet u again peng. How r u?

R u well? Are things working out? Better?

Soon u wll be 35. Some things had worked. most had not. Is it ok? U still hanging?

Please take good care of yourself. Its not as bad as it can be.

Have u seen hopeless eyes?? u do not have them. (yet?)

So, how will the road be like?? will u live well?? how much more despair b4 the end?? Do u want to avoid it?

What is the price of a guilt free mind. Oh.. the cause of suffering is foolishness.

In The End, Are U Strong Enough.?

See u soon.

From me, To myself.

I love me

Hello peng.

Happy birthday. Today you are 32. You have seen Nacho Libre @ cathay picturehouse @ 1510.

You drank F&N Grape and ok pokey strawberry.. you watched the movie alone.. though there are many others in the cinema.. the show is slightly entertaining.. bascially i am not let down..

Maybe it is hard for me to feel let down anymore? or is it that i am always in this state of down that it is not so easy to go lower? haha..

feeling of suicide is coming back again this few days.. it is stronger than ever.. this time, i can think cleartly.. even consider which method is better.. i prefer throwing myself in front of buses.. they won't expect it and buses being slow in reaction will not be able to stop in time.. their big mass compared to my body would most likely to be sucessful killing me.. so less chance of failing??

The only thing holding me back is the thought of life after death.. likely to reborn in a worst state then now?? even if i am lucky to be human again.. the same problem will persist.

other than that, my parents would have to handle my funeral.. and i have not prepared my passing.. it would be a multi facated burden on them.. i shouldn't do this to them.. not for my selfish desire..

furthermore, the bus driver would be in trouble too not to mention the passengers onboard? maybe some of them would be injured too??

.. Bye.. I love you Peng.. maybe i do..

Bastard Company!

REally need to voice out my anger over a extremely flusterating and pretentious company.

I wil not name "IT" out prominently.. but the company starts with "E****O".. it is a facial service company base in singapore.

It had been hell collecting a small sum of payment from them! as they know, my service is COD, they delayed more than 2 week with repeated reminders..

Let me elaborate my flusteration..

(1) After completing the shoot, before i leave the company, i reminded them that cash are to be collected or cash check be made on delivery of the Cd later in the day.. the Marketing Manager Bitch knows already! But when i deliver the Cd, she claim that the acountant already left.. so no check and no cash.. thats 1.

(2) 1 week later, i called the director and ask for the payment.. she say i can pick up the check the next day.. so i went.. and? no check.. the manager is in a demo session and i waited 2 hours before having to call repeatedly before she gets on the phone.. and she say: the accountant already LEFT WITH CHECKBOOK! will call you when the check is ready.. and the witch hangs up

(3) called another week later.. ask for check.. she say can collect the next day.. i ask.. what time? she say.. after 1030.. i say ok.. reach 1230.. when she see me, she say.. how come 1030 become 1230.. i reply sorry .. been bz with stuff.. apoloigies.. she say.. please come and sign for the check.. i went into her office and just when i was about to sign, i found out that the check is make to my company name! i told her i do not have a company bank account and she already knows beforehand that i ask for CASH check! ..she say she forgot.. what can she do, the check book is not in the office (what fucking bullshit is this? the check book went for conference?!)?? i say.. prepare the CASH check and deliever to me. she say ok.

(4) the check arrived. it is a cash check.. the amount was correct. i sign for it.. went to the bank to cash it. then the teller say.. sorry.. cannot cash it.. i am surprised. .i ask y? she say.. it is POST DATED! Now.. WHY THE FUCK ISSUE A POST DATED CASH CHEQUE when she already know it is meant to be immediately payable?!

(5) Sms the manager .. asking her to explain y the cheque is post dated.. she replied.. "so sorry my accounts just follow to issue all the cheques for that date .. As a matter of fact we don't have this policy to issue COD as our accounts is located somewhere.. infact your invoice did not indicate to issue as cash though you have said verbally but they wanted you to write black and white before releasing but i have gone ahead since i have let you walk a few times.. hope you will accept this cheque and sorry for the inconvenience caused...

What a load of hogwash! if it is the company policy NOT to issue cash or cash cheques, y only tell me know now?! can issue personal check to me in the first place.. perfectly fine! secondly, IT IS CLEARLY INDICATED IN BLACK AND WHITE AND VERBAL that the service is COD.. ON THE INVOICED! i sms the reply back to her.. and she say.. *some missing text* id not know my accounts make this mistake..

the cheque is dated 30 April 2006.. 1 is public holiday.. can only cash it on 2..

BASTARD COMPANY!

When Shit Happens...

Some are born rich, some gain wealth and some have wealth thrust upon them..

So hwat hapends when someone got shit thrust upon them? What are the options of dealing with the shit?

Some people would concentrate and look at the shit and the shitter and blame the hell out of them for doing or making shit..

Some would simply turn around and walk away.. pretending that shit had never happen..

There is one last type of people and how they deal with shit. I will disclose their method later..

Now, lets go back to the first type - The Shit Concentrator.

This group, has their function and purpose in this big society of life.. mainly, they acknowledge there's shit in the world and will most likely blow the wistle on the shitter.. thus maybe minimising the shitter from shitting again or not so much in the future.. but in the process of looking at the shit, smelling the shit, basically their time dealing with shit is a not very present one..

As the The Shit Ignorer Group, they are generally happy people.. maybe for a short time.. or maybe for a long time depending on how many shitter and shit happens in their life..

If there are alot of shitter and shit all around them, though by ignoring it they are exempted from the shit effect for a short while, sooner or later shit is gonna catch up with them.. not a pretty sight.. being surrounded by shit, stepping on old shit and having no place to run?

The last group, is.. The Shit Utilizer.. they are the ones who look at the shit, take the shit and turn it into fertilizers! Thus their life grows rich from the shit that happens to them.. their tree oif life might even grow strong from the shit and eventually provide shelter for the people of the world needing shades!

Is this the end? Actually there is one more group.. They are The Shitter!

Sometimes, they are the one who makes the shit, throws their shit or even throw shit thats thrown at them!

So in the end, which do you aspire to be? the Shit Utilizer? Or The Shitter??

You decide... But no matter what you do, just don't take the shit. And eat it!

Asking the right questions.

To get the right answers, we must ask the right questions..

If u want happiness, you should ask yourself.. is what u are doing the seed to happiness?? or not?

simple?

most of life's challanges can be answered with simple questions.. the challanges are not to ask the right question but to take the right action.

Most probably then not, we all know right actions to take for most of our "mistakes", which means most "mistakes" are avoidable in the first place.. the problem lies not in not identifying the trap.. but in our insistance in jumping in (the trap) in hope of chance?

I am not claiming that all mistake are avoidable all the time (not in our present capability?) but some can be avoided.. thats why mistake is spelled as it is? a "Missed-Take"?

As long as we are alive, we can always learn to ask the right questions b4 we take an action.. and after getting the right answer from the right question hopefully we take the right action..

To do all the above, we need stablility and clarity of mind.

Thats the challange.

Are you in hell or in heaven??

Hello world..

how r u?

have you all ever wondered whether you are in hell or in heaven??

to find out, all you have to do is look at your typical month as ask yourself: out of 30 days, how many days can you honestly say you are happy??

how long has it been that you appreciate the sunshine or even the rain..

strange.. the same thing like sunshine and rain can be experienced totally differently by different people experiencing it at the same place and time..

so.. are u in heaven?? or hell??

i? i am in hell..

:)?